I used to be HEALTHY THIN and happy. I loved being surrounded by people and friends. I enjoyed eating. Let’s say I do believe in KARMA now, since I used to critizise anorexics and bulimics and I’ve been one of them for over a year now. It all started last year (September 11th to be specific) when I got really sick. I was around 145-150 lbs (I’m 5’7) and due to the illness I couldn’t eat solid foods, so I was living on soup, jello, fruit, veggies, some fish maybe. I lost around 20 lbs in 2 or 3 weeks. It all started right there.
Even though I always enjoyed exercising, it became an addiction. After losing 40 lbs, I would avoid friend meetings just to stay at home and exercise. I wouldn’t go out with them ‘cause they would want to eat and I wouldn’t do it, so I better stay at home and keep exercising.
Once I hit 110 lbs (December 31st), I started to go out again. Everything was perfect. People said I was skinny. They even said I should put on weight ‘cause I was looking frail and all boney. That was happiness. That’s the closest to happiness to me.
I started eating like crazy again four (almost five, actually) months ago and put on loads of weight. I’m 135-138 lbs atm and I feel miserable. Exams, stress, pressure got me out of control.
Now, I’m determined to be 110 lbs again. My ultimate goal weight is 99 lbs. I’ve started a long-term fast at 6:40 PM and I'll use this blog as a journal and a way to remind myself I can't fail. I know I won't. Not again.
THE RACE TO PERFECTION STARTS NOW.
Even though I always enjoyed exercising, it became an addiction. After losing 40 lbs, I would avoid friend meetings just to stay at home and exercise. I wouldn’t go out with them ‘cause they would want to eat and I wouldn’t do it, so I better stay at home and keep exercising.
Once I hit 110 lbs (December 31st), I started to go out again. Everything was perfect. People said I was skinny. They even said I should put on weight ‘cause I was looking frail and all boney. That was happiness. That’s the closest to happiness to me.
I started eating like crazy again four (almost five, actually) months ago and put on loads of weight. I’m 135-138 lbs atm and I feel miserable. Exams, stress, pressure got me out of control.
Now, I’m determined to be 110 lbs again. My ultimate goal weight is 99 lbs. I’ve started a long-term fast at 6:40 PM and I'll use this blog as a journal and a way to remind myself I can't fail. I know I won't. Not again.
THE RACE TO PERFECTION STARTS NOW.
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