This is going really well. I managed to NOT eat yesterday and I think I'll be able to skip today's family meal (something really stupid we do on Sundays) so that means I'll be fasting all week till next Sunday (another family meal, my main problem right now).
I had a great time with my friends last night. I hadn't gone out in AGES due to self-esteem issues (they have no idea about that, of course. They think I didn't go out because I had lots of things to study or that I was sick or my mom was sick or my dog had vomited or whatever. Any excuse was good enough). YES, I drank alcohol which is not supposed to do during a fast because of the calories and all that BUT I made sure I burnt them off after all the dancing.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Frustrated day 2
That's it. 37 hours. Perfect. Just water, two cups of coffee and Diet Coke. My mom came home early from work and ordered our dinner. I had dinner, damn it. One of my thinspos is Cielo Latini (famous Argentine writer who became a sort of celeb after writing her own book about Anorexia- kinda Wasted-like. She used to have 2-4 meals a week. I'm aiming fast all week if possible, 1 or 2 meals if that means make my mom happy). I think I already lost two or three pounds. My collarbones are pumping out (just a bit but I can notice them by looking myself at the mirror) and I fit in a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in 4 months!!!!
I have like 45 days to lose 15 kilos and reach 47 kilos (Cielo went from 62 to 47 and got tattooed 47 on her wrist) 'cause I have a reunion with my ex classmates friends. My major goal is losing these 15 kilos in less than a month. I know I can do it. When you fast, you can lose up to 1 kilo a day (I can tell 'cause I've done it before).
I won't punish myself for eating dinner tonight. I'll do my best to fool my parents and skip meals during the weekend. If I make it through these two days, I'll be good (I can fast from Mon to Sat 'cause I'm at college and mom thinks I have lunch there).
I have like 45 days to lose 15 kilos and reach 47 kilos (Cielo went from 62 to 47 and got tattooed 47 on her wrist) 'cause I have a reunion with my ex classmates friends. My major goal is losing these 15 kilos in less than a month. I know I can do it. When you fast, you can lose up to 1 kilo a day (I can tell 'cause I've done it before).
I won't punish myself for eating dinner tonight. I'll do my best to fool my parents and skip meals during the weekend. If I make it through these two days, I'll be good (I can fast from Mon to Sat 'cause I'm at college and mom thinks I have lunch there).
Thursday, October 28, 2010
So far, so good
Mom's not at home. I skipped lunch. This fast is going great. I'm not ounting hours, I'm counting days this time but I can't help but think I've been fasting for 23 hours.
Day 1, 12:30 PM. That means I've completed half a day.
I went to the store and got myself Marlboros Light and Blue (one of each). I just smoked my first cig and felt nothing, really. I thought I was gonna cough or something but no. I felt nothing. I have to admit I was feeling a bit hungry (just a bit) and after I smoked the cigarette, the hunger was gone.
Day 1, 12:30 PM. That means I've completed half a day.
I went to the store and got myself Marlboros Light and Blue (one of each). I just smoked my first cig and felt nothing, really. I thought I was gonna cough or something but no. I felt nothing. I have to admit I was feeling a bit hungry (just a bit) and after I smoked the cigarette, the hunger was gone.
Bring it
If I'm gonna do it, I'll go for all or nothing. My mom just left home (luckily she won't be back until 4 or 5 PM which gives me the chance to skip breakfast done, snacks and lunch. She knows I tend to not have dinner or just have fruit so she won't bother me). Got up and have tons of things to study (History is my karma. I hate that subject). So I'll take a shower and start! BUT FIRST... I've been considering the fact of smoking. Kate Moss smokes, Shenae Grimes smokes, Jessica Stroup used to smoke, Kristen Stewart smokes, Katherine Heigl was thin when she used to smoke, models smoke like crazy. I'll go to the store near home and get Marlboro Lights or Marlboro Blues. After a little research I did, those two seem to be the chosen by girls so I'm going for them.
Here's my master plan:
~ Fast all week if possible
~ Have 3l of water everyday
~ Two or three cans of Diet Coke are allowed
~ 90 min wo everyday
~ Up to two cigarettes if I feel like eating a cow
~ Coffee. Do I need to say more?
I really don't care if there's anyone reading this. I just need to open up and "say it out loud". It's like a commitment. Watch me dissapear! I'll post before/after pictures as soon as I hit 120 lbs. Then I'll keep you updates at 110 and 105 which is my major goal. When I hit 110, I looked emaciated so I guess 105 will be the max I'm aiming.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
My fave thinspos #1
Here I am again. Still mad at my mom and stupid luck which is not on my side. Damn you, food. Why can't I just drink Diet Coke and coffee all day? Why does my mom tell me what to do? I'm sick of this. I wanna move out and live by myself.
Anyways, that's not the point of this entry. I'll be posting my favorite thinspos throughout the days. Today, I'm focusing on 2008 Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup. Why? Jessica was pretty huge in late 2007 (google Prom Night) and may have lost 30 or 40 pounds I must say. She must have been from 135-140 lbs (take a look at her arms) to 100 lbs (confirmed by the media). On the other hand, Shenae has always been thin but not as skinny as in 2008! She was around 90 lbs (she must be around 115 now, she's kinda short) and looked amazingly skinny!
I promise I'll be between 100 and 105 before the year ends. I know I can do it. I've done it before.
Picture 1: the girls looking incredibly skinny!
Picture 2: Jessica's weight loss (I believe she may have lost AT LEAST 40 pounds. The media confirmed she was 100 lbs by the time the picture on the right was taken)
Anyways, that's not the point of this entry. I'll be posting my favorite thinspos throughout the days. Today, I'm focusing on 2008 Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup. Why? Jessica was pretty huge in late 2007 (google Prom Night) and may have lost 30 or 40 pounds I must say. She must have been from 135-140 lbs (take a look at her arms) to 100 lbs (confirmed by the media). On the other hand, Shenae has always been thin but not as skinny as in 2008! She was around 90 lbs (she must be around 115 now, she's kinda short) and looked amazingly skinny!
Picture 2: Jessica's weight loss (I believe she may have lost AT LEAST 40 pounds. The media confirmed she was 100 lbs by the time the picture on the right was taken)
9:30 AM
15 hours with no food in my system. I just had a cup of coffee for breakfast. My mom's staying at home (no classes for me) 'cause it's a holiday and she's not working. I'm trying to figure out how to SKIP lunch. If I manage to not eat lunch, then I'll be fine (I'll have coffee in the afteroon and I'll have soup for dinner. Just liquids. Perfect plan!).
Edit: I hit 18 hours and did everything I could to not have lunch. Mom's been around all the time and insisted on eating lunch together. I must have had 500 cals maximum (chicken, brown rice, veggies, a slice of bread with cheese and an apple). I didn't touch the chicken. Why can't she leave me alone? Why can't I do whatever I want with my body?
Edit 2: She'll be at home for AT LEAST three or four days since our president died (I live in Argentina) and I bet people won't work and I won't have to go to college. Life sucks.
Edit: I hit 18 hours and did everything I could to not have lunch. Mom's been around all the time and insisted on eating lunch together. I must have had 500 cals maximum (chicken, brown rice, veggies, a slice of bread with cheese and an apple). I didn't touch the chicken. Why can't she leave me alone? Why can't I do whatever I want with my body?
Edit 2: She'll be at home for AT LEAST three or four days since our president died (I live in Argentina) and I bet people won't work and I won't have to go to college. Life sucks.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The girl behind the computer
I used to be HEALTHY THIN and happy. I loved being surrounded by people and friends. I enjoyed eating. Let’s say I do believe in KARMA now, since I used to critizise anorexics and bulimics and I’ve been one of them for over a year now. It all started last year (September 11th to be specific) when I got really sick. I was around 145-150 lbs (I’m 5’7) and due to the illness I couldn’t eat solid foods, so I was living on soup, jello, fruit, veggies, some fish maybe. I lost around 20 lbs in 2 or 3 weeks. It all started right there.
Even though I always enjoyed exercising, it became an addiction. After losing 40 lbs, I would avoid friend meetings just to stay at home and exercise. I wouldn’t go out with them ‘cause they would want to eat and I wouldn’t do it, so I better stay at home and keep exercising.
Once I hit 110 lbs (December 31st), I started to go out again. Everything was perfect. People said I was skinny. They even said I should put on weight ‘cause I was looking frail and all boney. That was happiness. That’s the closest to happiness to me.
I started eating like crazy again four (almost five, actually) months ago and put on loads of weight. I’m 135-138 lbs atm and I feel miserable. Exams, stress, pressure got me out of control.
Now, I’m determined to be 110 lbs again. My ultimate goal weight is 99 lbs. I’ve started a long-term fast at 6:40 PM and I'll use this blog as a journal and a way to remind myself I can't fail. I know I won't. Not again.
THE RACE TO PERFECTION STARTS NOW.
Even though I always enjoyed exercising, it became an addiction. After losing 40 lbs, I would avoid friend meetings just to stay at home and exercise. I wouldn’t go out with them ‘cause they would want to eat and I wouldn’t do it, so I better stay at home and keep exercising.
Once I hit 110 lbs (December 31st), I started to go out again. Everything was perfect. People said I was skinny. They even said I should put on weight ‘cause I was looking frail and all boney. That was happiness. That’s the closest to happiness to me.
I started eating like crazy again four (almost five, actually) months ago and put on loads of weight. I’m 135-138 lbs atm and I feel miserable. Exams, stress, pressure got me out of control.
Now, I’m determined to be 110 lbs again. My ultimate goal weight is 99 lbs. I’ve started a long-term fast at 6:40 PM and I'll use this blog as a journal and a way to remind myself I can't fail. I know I won't. Not again.
THE RACE TO PERFECTION STARTS NOW.
Then&Now: Crystal Renn
I gotta say two things. Number one, do you know plus-size model Crystal Renn? and number two, HAVE YOU SEEN PHOTOS OF HER WHEN SHE WAS A TEEN?! DANG!!!! She was SKINNY. Like super skinny. I haven't figured out how to post pictures yet, but I'll do my best to show you what I'm talking about!!! She's 5'9 so I guess she must have been around 115 lbs.
I found this on an interview:
I found this on an interview:
When a modeling scout told her she had potential provided she lose weight and shrink her hip size from 43 inches to 34, Ms. Renn saw a means of escape from small-town life in Clinton. On a regimen of Diet Coke and sugar-free Jell-O, she began by losing 28 pounds in three months. By 2002, when she moved to New York at age 15, she weighed 95 pounds and had lost more than 42 percent of her body weight. On her first day in the city, she landed a shoot for Seventeen.